I have had some very interesting experiences lately that have kept me from writing TorahTidbits or stories–-a situation which forced me to focus on my own personal story.  I guess it is true that the best and most influential stories are real testimonies, so I feel compelled to share mine with you.

 

    On Shabbat (Sabbath) morning, about a month ago, I was sitting at the piano playing when I felt several instantaneous stings my left arm, about five or six times.  I drew up my shirt sleeve and saw what looked like a few regular bug-bites going up my arm.  They didn’t really itch, so I did not pay much attention to them.  I have been bug bitten so many times before, it is like a normal part of life for me.  Bugs seem to really love me. 

 

    A few days later, the insect marks were larger, but still looked like normal bites.  That’s when Imma and Abba (Mama and Papa) noticed them, since I hadn’t told them before.  By the way, I’ve learned a very hard lesson that if a child has any slight problems: physical, mental, spiritual, etc., they should go to their authority figure(s) and present the matter to them--as soon as it is known. Don’t wait for any length of time to tell them. Take my advice!  Life will be much easier!

 

    Despite Imma’s constant applications of various healing salves, the infection from the bites continued to grow and spread.  Still, for some silly reason, I didn’t realize the actual danger I was in. Almost frantically as the days rolled by, salves and herbs and other healing things were slapped onto my arm, but to no avail.  The next Shabbat found me with my arm, from my wrist to the elbow, swollen twice its normal size and red-hot with fever. 

 

    As the days went by, we resorted to ice-packs, colloidal silver, vitamin C, and garlic pills.  I  began to count the slowly moving hours of painful fever in my arm.  Soon, the skin on my arm bubbled up all over and it took all of my will power not to scratch or even touch it.  It was absolutely agonizing. One evening,  I was given a Benadryl pill to help fight the reaction I was having to the sting.  For twelve hours I was able to sleep better and the itching was somewhat eased, but I knew I couldn’t start relying on medications for my relief.  There was another problem that even I hadn’t realized yet.

 

    However, my fear was mounting.  I was trying like crazy to eat more healthy foods, to go the natural healing way, but it just wasn’t working. We did everything we could think of according to the knowledge we had.  But, my problem wasn’t getting better.

 

    One night, Abba took me to a friend who had been working for many years with people’s sicknesses using herbs.  He had healed a severe, gangrenous infection on a man’s leg, terrible spider bites, and numerous other things of that nature.  However, my problem completely puzzled him.  He gave us a time limit–-the next day.  If nothing happened for the better, I would have to go the hospital for an emergency situation. This did not please me.  Imma warned me that if the infection turned into blood poisoning,  I could lose my arm or even my life, so I was not to be afraid of a hospital.

 

    That night the reality of my unhappy situation struck me–-and hard.  I had never before been in a hospital.  The last time someone in my limited world had gone to a hospital for something serious, that person did not make it out alive, but died right there.  I was only five years old.  That  person was very special to me.  Still, many years later, the memory was very vivid, and the thought of the hospital for something serious brought a flood of tears to my eyes.  I thought I was not going to live much longer.  Yet, I was still blinded as to my real problems, which were much more deeply rooted than the poison spreading under my skin.

 

    Around that time, Imma had been looking through a new book called A More Excellent Way, written by a pastor who has cured many diseases by searching out and taking care of the spiritual roots of the disease. He believes that about 90% of today’s diseases, from normal skin illnesses to serious internal ailments, have a strong spiritual problem at their base.

 

    Imma looked up what I had and came back to me with the results.  I was desperate and was ready to accept anything she told me--but I was absolutely dumbfounded when she said three simple words, “Fear, anxiety, and stress.”  I couldn’t believe it, but it was certainly worth a try. I had always perceived that anxiety and stress were adult complications, things that did not plague children at all. Yet, when I searched my heart, I found all three of these symptoms running rampant in me.  I went before my God and repented of these three sins in earnest, and then began to remember even more specific sins that those in previous generations had committed.  According to Vayikra (Leviticus 26:40-46), I asked God to remove those consequences that were bearing down on me.  I prayed night and day, fasted; and, we prayed together as a family several times a day.  My family was such a great support to me.  The next day, I began to heal, and shalom (peace) came over me.  After I cast out those spirits that controlled me, I immediately felt wonderful results.

 

    The next Shabbat, I was healed completely, but there remained battle scars.  My arm looked as if it had been burned.  I suppose from the non-stop fever and swelling.  Yet recently, even the scars have disappeared.  All of this is a miracle!

 

    I will not exclude that I, in the past few months, had also begun to struggle with insomnia, almost every night.  Fear, anxiety, and stress, again.  I am rid of that, too.  Another major factor that I had to deal with was self-rejection. Also, I have silently dealt with an ongoing struggle of bitterness, feelings of rejection, fear of mankind, fear of failure, and fear of abandonment.  All these are direct results of my difficult past before I was adopted.  I have not really ever been able to forgive certain people.  I hated the things they had done to harm me and my sisters, and it was bubbling inside of me. 

 

    When I did glance at my arm in its infected state, I turned my eyes away in a heart-racking shudder.  I think Adonai was trying to show me that the ugliness on my arm was something like what was festering in my heart. The severe fever in my arm was an external example of the flaming rage that I had deep inside that could not be seen.

 

    During my road to healing, I felt as if God took me by the shoulders and lifted my face to get my attention to what was going on inside of my heart.  I had to come to terms with myself, with things I had done, and with things I was still not willing to forgive from my tormentors of the past.  I have been convicted to finally let out these harbored feelings of bitterness and just forgive.  This has also been a major key to my healing. 

 

    I had to learn in a very difficult way that unless I forgave those who I personally judged and condemned for their moral standards; and,  if I didn’t pray for their blessing of knowing Yeshua (Jesus), I knew that Adonai would not forgive me. What an overwhelming thought!  I had to come to the understanding that in reality, before I entered into the covenant of salvation with Adonai (the Lord) at seven years old, I was no different than those people.  I now realize that someone was praying for my salvation during those critical times; and, I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

 

    During my sickness, I thought I was staring death in the eye.  Perhaps I was.  I have learned that bitterness literally eats at a person until there is nothing left to consume, like death.  The fever in my arm consumed me, just as my bitterness did.  I now have to ask, why be bitter?  Life is too short to spend time being angry, fearful, anxious, stressed, and in short, diseased.  It takes up the time that we could use doing mitzvot (good deeds) or reaching others with the truth of the Scriptures.

 

    I think that one thing I learned is that sin does have consequences, no matter what kind of sin, and that when we sin, we actually lose faith and trust in the very first mitzvah (Instruction/Commandment) in the Torah (five books of Moses), the one that states, “I AM Adonai your God, who brought you out of the land of the Egypt, out of the house of slavery.”  We, in essence, lose our sense of just Who He is, how great He is, and soon, we lose our fear of Him.  Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) says that everything in life is pointless except to fear God, obey His mitzvot (Instructions/Commandments) and enjoy life.  I have learned some very important lessons and now I can enjoy life.  L’chaim!  To Life!  

 

Ashley Palladino
January 2006
www.kitchen2.com

Disclaimer:  The information written in this article is published for informational purposes only and should not in any way be used as a substitute for the advice of a physician or other licensed health care practitioner.  The statements contained herein have not been evaluated by the FDA.   The items discussed herein are not intended to diagnose, cure, prevent or treat any disease.